I was looking at the boston police blog and I saw a report that said a guy driving a green subaru hit an old man. Because it was in D14, and the address where the man was hit is in Oak Square 

Not that I think he would hit someone and drive away.  But a tall skinny man, in a green subaru impreza!   OH I am so gonna get accused of being mean!!!!!!     

I joined a quiz site, and created a quiz - how well do you know me.    Here is the link.

http://www.testriffic.com/friendtest/744325   Well back to writing, at least until the tree lighting.

For every nice girl on my list, and for those who are not -- found by a bad girl who wishes she was more like you.


Nice Guys may finish last but Nice Girls wait the longest

This rant was written because a nice girl finally snapped.

Just in case your wondering, I have decided the only nice guys out there, are either gay, or dead.  There is no such thing as a nice guy.  Married or single, they are all the same.

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blond girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

Author Unknown

I have in Arisia speak been asked to give them a reason, and a blurb for a memorial panel on Dave Cockrum.

I did my best, I hope and will get the approval to run a panel.

For those of you who will be at Arisia this year I have a question.

I would like to draft one or two people with Arisia history to do this panel. I already drafted comic people (and Arisia panel people) Ken Gale and Mercy Van Vlack, but I would like to have a few more names to suggest.

Also, if you know anyone at Arisia, feel free to suggest a Dave Cockrum memorial panel. After all, he did create the X-Men. And unlike Chris, he is, or was, so not a jerk.

So anyone want in...

I have this wonderful piece of artwork from Mercy, it is a great drawing of Nightcrawler in the buff dancing through a field of blue columbine. (my favorite flower) When I first asked for the drawing, Mercy drew him from the right side, with his right leg up! We had a good laugh, and she did a second drawing. After the drawing was finished, I had a chance to meet Dave Cockrum. I was a bit silly, being around my idols does that to me. I got him to autograph a picture, and he asked me if I had seen the work of one Mercy Van Vlack. I said I did, without saying I was a friend, and he mentioned a commission she had shown him of Nightcrawler. My commission! I admitted to being the person to order the art work, and we had a good laugh. He had a great laugh, the kind of laugh that made other people smile for no reason other than they heard him laugh.

After that, we chatted about creating characters, and writing. I felt like instead of meeting my idol, I had just met a friend. And we stayed friends.

What a sweet sweet man. I'll miss him.

Pictures

We brought Bryan to Petco today.

Someday soon I hope he gets to meet some of the other important people in his mommy and daddy's life.     I guess there are some people who have decided they are no longer in his mom's life.

Sad, for them, not him.

I got up early and easily this morning.  Took Byron out for a walk and feed all the animals, even cut up some fresh fruit and carrots for the dragons.    I managed to cut my own finger while taking the skin off the kewie fruit.    Byron is still not use to having them here, but unlike Barbie, who fights back, these two just back off.    He has yet to try to get into the tank yet, and the dragons will not try to get out.  SO unlike the Barbie vs. Byron battle, there will be no contact between the two.   

I finally got a chance to talk to my parents I am going to have dinner with them Sunday.  It will give me a chance to visit with them over the holiday.   They were at my sisters at 8 am, and did not eat dinner until 5.   If I had gone out with them, I would have needed to arrive at their house at 7 am, which would have meant leaving here at 6.   After last year, when I was on the road for 3 hours there and even more back, I am glad I chose to stay close to home.

Spent most of day with Kristen and her son. I have been misspelling his name, they named him Bryon, pronounced like “BRIAN” not Byron, I have been spelling it with the I, and pronouncing it correctly. But every time I think of his name with a Y, I call him my dogs name. Not smart...
When I got to her house Bryan was awake and getting some floor time. He was wiggling wanting to burp or poo or something, he was not the happiest of babies. I played with him for a bit, and he decided that a bottle would be a good idea. K let me feed him, and then I put him on my shoulder to burp him. He let loose with a burp that would have made Mr Creosote proud. After that, he smiled, pleased at the noise he made. After that he wanted to play for a while, which at the age of two weeks is to kick and wiggle. And mess his diaper, a lot...

I hung out there for most of the day, playing with the baby, and letting him nap in my arms for a long time. I think for a bit, I even fell asleep my self. I know K did. She needed it. I got to feed him again before I left. The only thing I did not do today was change his diaper, and she has yet to suggest I take a turn. I am sure at some point I will get stuck, but not now.

We went over to Petco to show Bryon to the staff, I grabbed a picture of Eddie with Bryon, but that was the only picture I took. Did not think to take the camera out for any of the other employees, but then, Eddie and Kristen are the only employees left from my time there. I find it hard to believe it has been two years since I walked away from that place. Hard to believe time moves so fast. But then, how different was my life when Bryon was conceived. Different, so different. 

Stopped at the grocery store on the way back to pick up some food, decided that I liked the idea of an egg roll, and i also grabbed a chicken pot pie, just in case L had not eaten. I did not pay attention to the microwave when I started cooking the egg roll, I was suppose to cook it for 30 seconds, i instead cooked it for 3 minutes! Cooked it to a crisp, burned to a cinder. YUCK! So I ended up just eating the pop pie for dinner instead. It was good, but when your heart is set on an egg roll, having a pot pie is just not satisfying. Not one bit.

April and I have been laughing on the phone for over an hour.

I had a talk with J and T from the Pet Shoppe today. We were talking about the number of animals who get abandoned at the end of the semester.

While I was there, two people came in to abandon pets. They did not want to go to an animal rescue league, one could not be bothered, and the other was concerned it would be reported.

What JERKS!! Well they now have more animals up for adoption. Some fish, and another reptile. A small snake that was getting large enough for live food, once owned by a person who decided the idea of purchasing mice once a week was to expensive. Sometimes I get so angry at people who just abandon pets. There are laws against it, but they have no teeth, non at all.

The two people who came in to abandon pets while I was there were both young. One just a child, the other in her teens.

The male wants to explore. He has already walked off my shoulder and on to the desk. The female just wants to sit and rest her head on my shoulder.

So the crew grew.

It is that time of year when college kids who got pets, can not take them home, and can not leave them in the dorm rooms. Or kids who got what the thought was a great pet, only to be overwhelmed with the care and feeding of another living creature. An animal, which may not have responded the way the student expected the pet to.

I read so many postings, long postings, some full of sorrow, about the loss of a pet. From people who had never been given the slightest lesson in how to care for the animal in the first place.

I decided to send letter to two posters tonight, not to talk about adopting their animals, but how to help them keep their pets. One poster had a rat, and the rat had bit him. Out of fear I think. I will know further once he responds to my letter. The second poster does not believe he is able to properly care for his pet as it looks unhappy. Again, when he responds to my questions I will go from there.

Others are going home for the semester, and can not take their pets with them. So instead of leaving the pet with a sitter, it get put up for adoption, or abandon it.

The colleges need to do something about the transfer of animals every year. Maybe having a dorm area pet, say a friendly dog, or cat, even a fish tank would help the students make the transitions in the dorms. And, would prevent the twice yearly animals dumping going on over at Craig's list. Other students who were not leaving for the winter break or summer session, could watch the pets of the traveling students.

Or the colleges and universities could completely ban pets on campus, unless the student has a detailed plan in place for bringing the pet home.

 I stayed up later than I should have to watch Conan.   He had on one of the actors in Heroes.  The time traveler guy.  I am awful with names.

We ran a few errands today L and I.  Went to the grocery store, and grabbed some food, and then to the pet store so I could get hay for Fidget.   They were out of feeder fish, so I will have to swing down tomorrow to get feeder fish for the big fish.   Since it is a very short week, we were talking about doing some thing fun tomorrow, like maybe Chinatown.  Especially if I continue to feel this good, I should not waste it.   I feel about a 4 or a 5 pain level right now.   Or in the new Jan terms  FAB.    The old me would have felt horrid, but the new me considers having only taken one pain pill in two days to be a monumental occasion.    I wonder what did it, and how long it will last. 

Part of me lives in fear I have a crash in my future, a big crash. I can hope and pray, light candles and cast spells all I want, and I will fall back down again. Part of me wonders if this is the miracle cure Dr P. promised me, way back when. Can I say I have mastered lupus, or is it lying in wait. Did the brace help the pain? Am i just imagining how I feel.

So many questions, so unsure. So unsure about everything.

Talked to L about my dwelling on my past. Well not dwelling, but how something going on right now, reminds me of something in my past. As a storyteller, and as part of our sharing histories, and just having a new audience, I share those stories as they come out. So I asked her flat out today, if I think, or share to much. Do I always have to talk about this. She had a good answer, a very good answer. It made me feel better. I don't talk about history constantly, we are also building our memories of friendship. But things come up, like talking to my friend who just had the baby, we talked about the people who have not called her since the birth, and a name came up. So I blogged about it. Because I share everything with my blog, everything.   Like the hang up phone calls, and the porn web sites  I get signed up for. 

Everything!

We had a showing each other our history day today, we shared pictures of our families, our friends, and a few more stories. Sometimes I am astonished at how similar we are. For two people who are so far apart in age, and experience, we also have some strange things in common. Little things, that we like or dislike. She still can't get her head around fluffernutter tho.

Is it stranger that I prefer to make my own holiday card, or that I actually own and can find on a moments notice, this dress.

Sadly, the dress is a bit on the big side.  I usually wear it outside in December, and so I bought it a size larger than I needed.    What you also can't tell is the last time I wore this dress, I was 60 pounds heavier!!!!!

Decided at 8 that we would have a 'men drive us crazy' beer, or four. Well it ended up being one. I took L to The Boulvard for a quick beer, and the gross little man who drove me out of there this summer was there. We sat at the bar, but we could smell him. So after a couple of whiffs, I suggested we move to a side table. For some reason, he decided to try to talk to us! Now, if I want to be spoken to I just might speak to you first, but if I want nothing to do with you, do not invade my space.

First he wanted to just chat, while we were at the bar, and I just ignored him. As we went to the table L made a comment about being more a hockey fan thaa football fan. He was looking for an opening, and that was it. He started to talk about the B's our local team, and I just looked at her and said 'do not encourage him.' I continued to talk over him, and for a second, and only a second, he got the hint.

Once me moved to the table, he decided to walk over for a visit, and to try to engage L in a conversation about hockey. Without even looking at him said 'this is a private conversation.' He came back again, and I once again tossed him off. He finally got the hint and left us alone. But the evening was a mess, we walked out after paying for our one beer.

When is Boulvard going to learn as long as that creap hangs out there, he will empty the bar of real people. Well considering it was us, the bartender and the bar back, I guess he did.

After that we decided to grab a bite to eat. This being Revere on a Sunday night our options were the IHOP on 60 or the IHOP on 1. We went with the IHOP on 60. Kind of a mistake on our part. We started joking around about what we were going to do in the morning, and for some reason I made a cat joke. About how I had a great recipe, but could not think of anything else to do with them.

Well this creapy guy (oh look, a theme) at a table behind L looked over and said.

"Once when I was making love to my X wife, our cat bit me on the foot." L turned red, and I looked over and let fly. Saying,

"Lets just pretend you do not just say something so inapproprate to two ladies, you never met before!" Sadly, I stuck up for myself just before I realized the two hot guys at the next table were about to stand up and defend our honor. I think I scared them away, because when I left the one who had his back to me watched me walk out of the place. I wanted to turn around and go back in. But what could I say?

Sigh, one missed connection.

To grow a pair, when the problem is really none of your business.

Well for now I will keep quiet.  But K's father has yet to come visit his grandson.    I made it hours after my grandmother's wake.    His reason is her step mother does not want to go.  So he CAN NOT go!

Dude, grow a pair!!!!!!

Hey Figment, you should call or visit or something. 

For the first time in I do not know how long, I woke up pain free, and now an hour later, i am still pain free.  

Pain free.   I don't remember how it felt to be pain free.   I want to dance, to run on the beach, to throw myself a party.  Pain free.

I have to try to call Troy and Jess back today. I talked to him on Friday, and he told me that Jess was pregnant.

And call Kristen, I want to see my almost grandson.

If L will help me out, I have to do some work on the fish tanks. But I will need her help to clean out the lower tank.

Today is a good day to do that, because I feel great.  Super great.  Super duper great!

Hearing the words my Grandmother use to say

OH dear,

bread and beer

if i was in heaven

I would not be here.

I slept through Comic Relif.  I hope Tivo got it.   Now that I have taken a small drink, it's back to bed for me. 

Woke up with the worst sore throat this morning. I don't have any throat coat spray, or anything else that i think I can use to help. Taking my medication even hurt. Did not sleep very well at all. SO napping is high on the to do list.

Today is Friday, and I have a slow day planned, finally.

I have to get some paper work filed, and send in my report to dada. Other than trying to get to the library, and blogging about yesterday I have nothing else planned. I do have to call the therapist and schedule a new session. My last session was scheduled for yesterday, and I was kind of booked.

Just a little bit about yesterday, I'll back track a bit later, when I am more awake, or rested.

Had to get up at 6 in order to arrive at the funeral home in time for the final viewing. Traffic was bad, no accidents, just bad. The highway really can not handle the amount of traffic crossing it every day. And what was once a little used highway exit has become a major intersection. The connection between Route 9 and Route 85 needs to be repaired, extended and enlarged. Traffic was backed up on to Route 9 waiting to get on to a small two lane road.

I left the house at 7:30 and did not arrive in Hopkinton until a few minutes after 9. People had already started to gather at the funeral home. One of my aunts was trying to get one of the female cousins to be a pallbearer, she has four daughters, and no sons, and the suggestion was to have all male cousins. She tried to get me to be a pallbearer, but I just looked at her and laughed. And suggested she speak to another female cousin, who is much stronger than most of the male cousins.

Joyce brought the young boy (eleven) who has been staying at her house with her. I wish she had found some one to watch him. He was dressed in a baggy shirt and jeans, and had no idea how to behave or who anyone was. It was wrong to bring him into this situation, he was out of place and did not know how to behave.

We drove from the funeral home, past the old family home, which looked empty, turned around in the parking lot of the dive bar down the street, and then went to the church.

Ok, this is the last one I promise.

At least until I see him again next week.

So cute!  and only 5 days old!!!!!!

Mary Josephine Leontie
Tuesday, November 14, 2006

HOPKINTON -- Mary Josephine (Dumas) Leontie, 95, of Hopkinton, died Sunday, Nov. 12, 2006, at Avery Manor in Needham.

She was the wife of George Dumas, who died in 1954, and Peter Leontie, who died in 1995.

Born in Everett, she was the daughter of the late Victoria (DeYoung) and James Maddox.

She enjoyed quilting, sewing, reading and was known as "Cookie Nana." Active in the town polls she helped with many functions at St. John's church.

She leaves two sons, James Dumas of Hopkinton and George Dumas of Framingham; four daughters, Joan Comeau, Jean Arseneau, Marilyn Hayward, all of Hopkinton, and Barbara Dumas of West Newton; two sisters, Barbara Maddox and Catherine Phelan, both of Everett; 31 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren and two great-great-grandchildren; and many nieces and nephews.

She was the mother of Victoria Stone, who died in 1971, and Robert Dumas, who died in 2001.

A funeral Mass will be celebrated Thursday, Nov. 16, at 10 a.m., at St. John's Church of Hopkinton.

Burial will follow in the St. John's Cemetery.

Visiting hours will be Wednesday, Nov. 15, from 5 to 8 p.m., at Chesmore Funeral Home (www.chesmorefuneralhome.com), 57 Hayden Rowe St., Hopkinton.

Memorial donations may be made to the Lupus Foundation, 40 Speen St., Suite 205, Framingham, MA 01701.

This tells you so little of who she was, it does not tell you about the funny times, or the times where she just made you laugh till your sides hurt.    We were telling each other funny stories how during quiet time you could hear her toonless humming.  Or how she would always have to have a pen and paper near by, or scissors to cut the paper with.   She had to be doing something.    Anything. 

Stories about my Grandparents. The two of them together were a trip.

Back in the 80's when I was going to college for the first time, I took a course in gerontology. As part of the class I had to interview an older person, and get their views of the changes the world had gone through. I interviewed my Grandparents, both Nana, and Grampa Pete. They picked on each other through the entire interview. As my grandmother was walking around her kitchen she reached into her pocket and discovered a small screw. She could not figure out why she had a small screw in her pocket and asked my grandfather if he had put it there. He said he had not, but suggested she had a screw loose. Nana tried to figure out where the screw went, first patting her head, then checking her feet. She looked at her chest and decided those had 'fallen off' years ago. Finally she decided the missing part had fallen out. Then deciding I had to put in my report that she was falling apart.


Back before televisions had remote controls my Grandparents would sit in their respective chairs and try to get the other one to get up and change the channel. There were only 3 networks, and a couple of uhf stations, back then, and they would watch one station no matter what was on, until one of them got tired of watching. They would go back and forth for the longest time, trying to get each other to get up. Everything from telling the other person they needed the exercise, to trying to decide which one did not like the television show first. I called from Connecticut once and asked how they were. She said, I'm waiting for your Grandfather to get off his lazy butt and change the channel. I heard a voice in the background say 'You change it, I'm watching this!'

She said back 'I can't change the television, I am talking to Janice.' Then she asked me to drive over and change the channel. I started laughing and reminded her I lived in another state. So they both decided that meant I did not want to visit them. I had to convince them through all the laughter, that I did want to visit them, but at two hours away it would be a very long trip just to change the channel. My grandfather agreed it was a bad idea. Who knew if they would still want the channel changed in two hours. They might like what was on television by then.

And jfuny stories staring just my grandmother

She was still doing well last December, and got a real kick of telling friends she was Santa Clauses mother. I can still her her tell people, especially woman who were complaining about being old, that if they thought they were old, she had given birth to Santa. I took my parents to visit her in the nursing home on Christmas day. She told the waiter at the dining room that her son needed coffee and fast. He had been up all night. I reminded her that as the elf driving the sleigh I had also been up all night. She looked at my youngest brother and ask him if he had been up all night. He said no, he had just gotten up and took the reindeer out of the harness. But he would be up late tonight mucking out the stalls again.


On her 90th Birthday, we had a big party at her home. There was a big sign in front of the house wishing her a happy 90th birthday. She found that annoying as she was trying to convince people she was only 80. When I asked her why she would lie about her age, she said, ”At my age, what else can I lie about!” She also hated having her picture taken saying no one wanted to look at her old ugly mug.

The day I introduced Tom to my family my Grandmother was there. She was sitting in a cushion chair, under a tree. The tree was giving her good shade and after a while the sun moved and she was not getting any more shade. She was asked if she wanted to move herself and the nice chair. But she said she would stay where she was. She complained about being hot again, so some else asked again if she wanted to move. Some where along the line it was suggested both Nana and the chair get moved. So Tom and my brother Joe picked up her and the chair and moved her to the other side of the table where it was shaded. The rest of the family fell over with laughter.

On Monday am cable went down.   I have cable tv, phone, and internet.   The tv came back by the end of the day.  The phone this morning.   And it was not until 4 this afternoon that the internet came back.   How we missed you.

Just starting to deal with the death of my grandmother.  Posting some funny stories about her.  It helps to make me feel better.  Funny, the last grandparent left is the nasty one.  The one no one can stand.  The one I always fight with.  

HUM, now that the Democrats are in power, we suddenly remembered about Darfur.

We should have been paying attention all along

Just got a call from my parents. 

My grandmother passed away at 2. 

While I was looking for a picture of her to post I got a call from my friend Kristen, she had her baby. She had a C section yesterday and is in the hospital today.  Naturally her first thought when I told her about my grandmother was of me. 

I finally slept a little bit. Wandered out of bed at 11 because the ark was requesting food. Loudly requesting food. The birds talk a little bit, more squawks and whistles than anything else. But I have had them in my life for so long I know what they are saying to me. And they were 'saying' food, and feed me. Once I feed them, they started singing. What a pretty thing to hear on a dreary day like today. Between the rain, and the pain, I am about all done in.

I know I pushed myself way to hard over the last two days. I went on a second trip to Ikea, and then made the furniture my friends had purchased. I banged myself up acting like the old me as I crawled around building the desk. I had to do a lot of lifting, and working over my head. I kept having to ask for help also. It was kind of odd yesterday also. I kept wondering if I should have just gone home and left building the desk for another day. Shade was not feeling well, and she went to bed, E was in her room reading and playing. And A was sitting quietly reading email, and surfing the web. He came over every time I asked for assistance, but he was so quiet other wise. And when I was finished I wanted to build the television stand and head home. But he said he did not know where the stand was to go. So he did not want me to build the stand. I should have taken that as a hint to take off, but I did not. I'm so thick some times.

Today I have a nasty headache, and I'm just tired out. To tired to do much more than watch television and veg out. I don't get fibro like flairs very often, but I have one today.

Animal planet is doing a series called Prehistoric Park. It is a 6 episode series using the technology of Jurassic Park and Walking with Dinosaurs to create a wildlife zoo made up of extinct animals. However, the series is more than just looking at the animals. The zookeepers worry about how to care for the animals, how to feed and breed. I find the part of the show where the 'keepers' talk about how to care for the animals. As a person who loves animals myself, and who's dream job would be a zoo keeper, I enjoy the process. How would you prepare an enclosure for an animal(s) you know nothing about. Really nothing.

Or at least I do.

I have been tossing and turning staring at the walls and doing everything but sleep. My right arm is still hurting the ice did nothing for the pain. I Tiger Balmed the heck out of it, to the point where my eyes are watering from the smell. Sucked down a pain pill, I am close to taking yet another Ambian. But nothing, not a dam thing. I doubt I would feel more awake if I had consumed a pot of coffee at 11:11 pm.

If not for my fear of waking L, and the pain in my arm, I would put my Ikea side table together. Mostly I am just sitting back on the couch, with Byron asleep by my feet. I am surfing the web, listening to Fidget run around, and trying to figure out why I can't sleep.

Not exactly sure what I did to my arm this time. I either worked it to hard building stuff today, or I may have twisted it funny when I rolled over in bed. Either way, the pain is intense. Not as bad as the day I broke it, but then, I really can't compare the pain. I was so full of morphine I found everything funny, from the color of the walls, Baby Puke Yellow, to forcing someone to drive to the hospital on only a few hours sleep. I was hoping they could just cast the arm and let me go home. Instead they had to do surgery and placed hardware in my arm.

No I do not beep at metal detectors.

Just thinking of that day makes me shiver and get nauseous, I called several people, including members of my family before I got someone to come help me out.  I guess I can add that event to the list of reasons I hold people at arms length now. I use to think that your family and friends would drop everything and rush to your side in an emergency. That day was among one of the many that taught me I was so very wrong.

So should I try reading, or web surfing, Either way I have to be quiet so I don't wake up anyone else. I wonder if I am experiencing a weather change? Poor Byron, is by my side, and wants to sleep, but he knows I am bothered by something and he wants to help.

Byron, I can trust Byron.

Had a doctor's appointment today.   More exciting than you know.  He did the usual tests, poked and prooded me.    The doctor took 6 vials of blood today, and I had to give a urine sample as well. He also decided to check and see if the chest pain is muscle related before he decided to do another lung x-ray or put my on anything else. He has given me some pain patches, since my pain is more muscle related than all over. So for the moment, I have a chest brace on at the moment. The medical staff gave me a small, but said I was close to needing a kids size. We are going to see if taking stres off the rib cage helps with the pain. If not, then we will look at other options. It has not helped all that much yet, put it's not a panacia. I have to give it some time. Best of all, I got my cortizone shots, go me.

I went back into the city, making it to the meeting place just before 6. L was there, and after walking around the Square for a while, we went into eat. I was feeling great, better than great even, so after dinner we walked a bit more. We walked through Downtown Crossing, but I forgot to point out where the seasons meet.

We have a Winter Street and a Summer Street. They meet in the middle of Downtown Crossing. After walking there, we walked to the edge of the park, and then back towards Government Center. I have to remember to bring the camera next time I walk in town so she can post pictures of her in Boston.

When we were in Quincy Market we went into the Build a Bear workshop. At that store, and that store only they have the build a bear Wally the green monster. I have to measure my Keeshond teddy and find out if they sell clothing large enough for him. I want to purchase him a Red Sox uniform for Yule. Yes my stuffed animals get Yule, as does Byron, Fidget, the birds, and even some of the fish.

Speaking of Byron and Fidget, I took Fidget out for a while when L and I got back. Byron wanted to play with him, and he started wheeking and nosing Byron back. One of these days I will get a movie of the two of them playing. Can't wait for that to be on Youtube.

Byron was funny when we got home. L went in here door, and I went in mine. Byron tried to run out the front door, but I stopped him. I figured he wanted to pee, so I went to grab the leash. Well he ran to the kitchen and looked down the stairs. I figured he wanted to see L, so I called down to let her know she had mail up here, and that he wanted to visit. As soon as I stepped on the first step, he was past me and down the stairs. He rush over to L, and then rolled on the floor for a bit. Then he came upstairs and asked to be walked. What a silly boy, he just wanted to make sure both of us were home safe and sound.

 We now own the Senate and the House. 

We own it.  For now the world is safe.   We can fix what W and his cronies started. 

I fed the animals and took my meds. I decided to lay back down and rest a bit more before I try to do anything. My chest feels like it has a ten ton weight on it.

Since the 'conversation' I have had 4 hang up phone calls, and one phone call that sounded for all the world like two people fucking. Not that I listen, I let the answering machine pick up just about every call. Especally the 'private' and 'blocked' numbers.

Doctor's appointment Thursday.   Blood draw day.

I am glad the democrats have taken over the House, and that it sounds as if we will also take the Senate. I hope this means there will be hearings on the debacle that is Iraq. At least I no longer have to fear a second phony war.

I'm in a full blown flair today. I feel as if monsters are taking bites out of my arms and legs. There is an octopus crushing my ribs into my lungs, it hurts to breath. About the only part of me that does not hurt is my hair. But I am sure it will soon. Trying to decide if I should keep trying to get the pills that lower pain, but allow my brain to work, or if I should pull out the big guns. The major medications will just shut down my body, which I hate, but the pain will go away. Sadly, so will I, after taking that medication I just sleep. But I am leaning toward that today.

So no gloating about the election, time to get better.   Lets get some research done on lupus.

Dan Rather is doing commentary on The Daily show!!!!!     And, Jon is trying to get some "Ratherisms" out of him.

Go Dan!!      And I love that after a few minutes Dan lost it.   He just started laughing.

How nice, we have a new Governor tonight, and it looks as if the democrats will take control of the Senate. Maybe even the house! Senator Kerry is in Boston cheering on the new Governor. And here comes Senator Kennedy. I am so glad he won. So glad.

Governor Patrick!!!!    

It's so good to be back in Massachusetts

It is only half past 8, and yet NESN is already projecting Patrick will be the next governor of Mass. A bit early I think, considering they are going by exit poles, not precincts reporting. They are reporting a high voter turnout tonight. I am happy to hear that. I have been concerned about voter turnout, the fewer people who choose to take part in the democratic process the less democratic our country becomes.

We are not a true one person one vote country.   We are a representative democracy. I just don't feel the people we have in office right now have done a good job of representing us.

I'll write a little bit more later. Right now I am just putting down thoughts.  I want to grab my mood at the moment.   

And now the waiting begins.   Will the democrats win in the House and Senate?   Will we take back the country, and get us out of a war we do not belong in.

 I had to stand in line for a while before I could vote, so my legs are throbbing and in spasms. Just not fair, could I at least be able to stand as long as the little old lady in front of me. I should have brought my cane to lean on, but I hate being out with the cane. It's a nice cane and all, but it's still a cane.

We still use paper ballots in MA, and if necessary we can do a hand recount. But I am not all that concerned the election here will be stolen. I'm worried about other places, but not here.

Back, just got an im from an old friend, I have not talked to in a while. Very cool. Well, just about ready to take on the rest of the day. I could spend the rest of the day here on the couch, because my legs still hurt, but I need to get to the bank, and the pharmacy.

I made it onto the best of the election posts on uh. I'm on page 3!

I sent a note asking if I could use the Alexis name for my puppy.  He responded back, and also asked why I was so mean to him in this blog.   I told him I was responding to comments made by the troll.

I believe he knows who the troll is, I think he just does not want to admit it.

He then accused me of staying in dogs just to keep him out.   I tried to defend myself, telling him that I was being kept in dogs by several friends.  People I meet through him, and people I have meet on my own since March.  

I tried to quit in April, and was asked to at least stay for the show.  Then I was asked to write for the newsletter.   I was asked in June to be an officer in the New York state club.   I did not ask, I was asked.   I am liked, well liked, welcome and I enjoy the people.

So, I'm staying.

Tired of being sick.  Tired of waiting for my organs to fail. 

Just tired.  just tired.  I want to stop being sick.  I want to go back to being me.   

Ya I feel sorry for myself.  What do you expect, I'm dieing.  That so does not make my day.

Once I put the few groceries away, I was in a bit of pain.   Decided to rest  a  bit, as I was having a problem with chest pain.  I know exactly what causes this kind of pain, the hardening of the connective tissues around my heart, and between the two layers of my lungs.     Even tho this is not an enormous amount of pain, maybe all of a 5, the scarey level is a 12. This is the pain that is going to kill me. The pain that is going to cause heart problems. This is the your lungs don't work any more pain.

This is a bit like putting on a corset to tightly, only I can't take it off. It's a day when all I want to do is cry, because I feel as if nothing will ever change. This is one of those days when I have to get outside myself.

My right arm is hurting as well. I swear I can feel the pain in the bone. I know there are no nerves in the bone, and I really CAN NOT feel the screws going into the bone. But my ghods it hurts. Both pains together are not fun. Not fun at all.

My troll sent  me another message.    Just another bit of snarky self important shit.  

. Let me know that with my invoking the three fold rule she would be three times better than I am. It would make her three time the writer, and editor that she is today. Which might make her almost as good as Byron. Snark back.   Really now, as far as I am concerned, she just proved to me that she is who I thought she was.  Lets see, do I know anyone who thinks she is a writer and an editor? 

I still can't figure out why the hell she even bothers. I still want to know what I ever did to her? I mean besides give her a stone around her neck and a free loader.

Well room mate should be back soon.  Then I can head out to Shade's and see if I can help her with the entertainment center.   Some times you just need an engineer around.

I sent a note to Figment today.  I needed to ask him if I could use the name we dreamed up for a puppy.  Back in Feb, we were going to get and co-own a dog, and we came up with a great name.  Since I am getting a puppy from Hit Squad Kennels I want to name her the great name we were going to name the other dog.   And while I could just name the dog, manners say I should at least double check and see if he used it.    I don't expect him to respond, but at least I will show that I asked.    Hey he just responded, I can use Alexis, not cin.  

 And as with every think involving the nut jobs, my essence will be clear. I send out no anger, no ill will, nothing. I am at peace with myself.

I forgot to mention that L is a journalist, in Alaska. She specialized in writing news articles for children. She is here to work on her Masters in Children's Literature. How coll is that. And what is it with me and people and are writers.

Between all the professional authors I know, and the newspaper people I have reading my journal.

And miss mouse, who I have yet to figure out WHY you bother reading this blog.

Hey how about letting me read your blog? Miss 'editor' Why do I fascinate you so?   Besides your apparent need to check up on me.

Got up a bit later than I wanted to today.  I 

I started the day short one spoon. I kind of wanted to go back to bed.

But I needed to go to the bank and yell at them some more. Still not happy with them. I talked it over with the manager. She said the double billing was the fault of the mortgage company. The mortgage company still says it is the fault of the bank. I just want to have my account unlocked so I can go purchase groceries. And guinea pig bedding. He needs fresh bedding. Which I can't get with my bank account locked.

ARG!!!

We went to Ikea after that, and T picked up some furniture for the first floor. I looked at some chairs for the living room, and then at a couple of sofa beds, and day beds. I'll decide at some point what I want to put on that side of the room. Right now, I have the rope chair and a small table there. Not enough for company. Not that I have much company. I will have to go back to Ikea again, some time next week. She needs to get book shelves, and I need to get something for that corner. I still don't know what I really want there.

Any ideas? Any?

After going to Ikea we stopped at Christmas Tree shop to get some dishes and pans. Now all she needs is to go food shopping. And find a job. Once we both get settled in every thing will be better.

Right now I am watching Hellboy. I love being able to rewind television and watch scenes again. But thanks to Hellboy, I am spending far more time watch the show than writing the blog. Watching the last scene now, wow, would I like to see this in HD.

I have to write an entry in Byron's blog, but right now I have to pause this movie and go get Byron he is barking outside.