So sometimes I wonder just who my troll is. Who took the time to create a fake web presence, search for a web based company out in California to steal from. http://www.squeak.com/ I do not think the hard working honest people at the above company have any idea who you are. I did not bother to ask them. I don't want to sink to your level.

So could it be this idiot. - And really, if you got as much plastic surgery as I have been told, I would so sue that doc. You still look like a hag. I'm close to death, and my face has more life than yours

Or this looser - get a job yet. Go to prison yet? And still look in the mirror and wonder how a smart person like me got so conned by you. I guess that when your dieing you grab at any straws that come by.

Or this guy - who must have had his fingers crossed during the in sickness and health part of the vows. Who just can't make ends meet on that tiny little 6 figure salary. Who makes me feel like Princess Diana every time I look at a picture of his new lady love - woof.



Or some other person, I don't know, or do not suspect. Some one who just thought one day lets have fun with the dieing woman. Lets just make her few years left on this planet a little bit less fun. So instead of playing, what sibling should I ask for a kidney from, she can play. Who wants me dead even earlier.

So lets get some shit out in the open ok. Next week I go for another set of tests. My kidney's are pushing protein. My doctors are arguing over whether the problems I had over the weekend were from the med change, or a problem in my nervous system. I might end up getting another brain scan, and it's time to see if the dead spots in my lungs have grown. I have more than enough things going on in my life right now that a troll is the last thing I need. GO find someone else to pester. Go find someone else to nitpick. Go find someone else to kick in the gut. My body is already doing all that for me.

I would love to be healthy, to not have this death sentence over my head. I would even love to get up every morning and go to work. Instead of just sitting here and dieing bit by bit. Even writing is hard, but recommended because it keeps my brain working, and not working on the spiraling of 'why fucking try, I'll be dead soon' that I am so prone to.

I wish I had caught this sooner, the illness I mean. But I just kept pushing aside the many times I had a short term illness, a low grade fever as a flu. Or as someone else told me, it was because I was not 'healthy' I should have checked it out then. Maybe we could have caught it before it exploded. It just would have meant my divorce would have happened sooner. Because he was unwilling to stay with a woman who was not a ramrod straight machine.

Don't bother making comments to this blog any more an.mouse go pester someone else. I invoke the three fold rule on you. What ever you wish for me comes back at you three times.